Every parent’s journey navigating the challenges of raising a gender diverse child will be different, some may experience fear, shock, doubt, confusion, guilt and a sense of loss when they learn that their child is trans, while others may not be surprised and feel it’s a cause for celebration, a relief even. It can also be very isolating as a parent of a gender diverse child, especially with all the misinformation and ignorance currently out there. Please know though that you are not alone and whatever you are feeling is valid and completely normal. 

If you’re a bit lost, here are a few steps you can take to get you moving in the right direction towards supporting yourself and your child:

Take care of yourself

Going through the process of a child coming out as trans and transitioning (should they choose) can take a major toll on our emotional and physical wellbeing. One of the best things we can do, not only for ourselves, but for our children too, is to take time for self care. Eat nourishing food, get plenty of rest and sleep, and regularly do whatever it is that brings you joy and calm, whether it be walking in nature, exercise, meditation, yoga, mindfulness or a favourite hobby. It’s also important that we open ourself up to feel whatever we are feeling so that we are able to hold the space for our children should they become overwhelmed with emotion. 

Listen to and believe your child, accept and love them unconditionally

If your child shares what’s going on internally for them regarding their gender, I invite you to really lean in, listen deeply without judgement, ask questions, and try to keep your mind and heart open. While we can never be 100% sure that this is not just a phase that they are going through and our instinct might be to tell them they are wrong or confused, ask yourself this – “is it this worth taking a gamble on?” Research shows that gender diverse children that are fully accepted and supported by at least one parent have better mental health outcomes, are more resilient and are less likely to self harm or attempt suicide. For children transition usually only involves changing pronouns, possibly changing their name, clothing and hair, all things that can be easily reversed, so not a big deal if they change their mind.  Sometimes people will question a child’s ability to know their gender at such a young age, I would ask those people this – “when did you know that you were a girl or a boy?”

Educate yourself

Do your research and gather as much information about gender identity that you can so that you have a good understanding of what’s going on for your child. Education and information is empowering and will help you to know what your child’s options are. If you haven’t already, I would invite you to explore the internet and watch different YouTube videos, there’s a lot of misinformation out there but there’s also a lot of great informative stuff. There’s also some great books and movies. Don’t feel like it’s your responsibility to educate everyone around you though, as that can be very energy draining. If people are interested in learning about gender diversity that’s great, but encourage them to do their own research. 

Get support 

Connecting with a counsellor is a great first step, I’d love to be that person for you, but if it’s not me, then find someone else who you connect with. Also connect with other parents who have walked this path that you can ask for guidance (online support groups on Facebook are great), or anyone you trust that you can turn to for emotional support and comic relief, such as family or friends. It’s also important that you get support for your child and help them find their community so that they don’t feel isolated. 

Most importantly, surrender. Your child will be who they are with or without your support, the only difference will be whether they are happy or not with who they are. Personally, I think trans kids are beautiful and amazing! 

If you would like more support, please reach out. 

Naomi